Washington St. Patrick's Day Parade 2005

It was a beautiful day on the Mall. The temperature was only in the high 40s, but the sun was out, and while you needed a coat, it was definitely not a scarf and gloves day.

So why was the mall so empty?

Usually, any Sunday on the mall is busy, and if it isn't raining, snowing or freezing, it is usually very busy. Today, things seemed rather quiet. My wife thought it might be because people were home watching March Madness basketball. Perhaps. Or perhaps because today was the day of the Washington St. Patrick's Day parade, people stayed away for fear of the crowds. At any rate, it was a mystery.

I was on the mall because I was attending a Smithsonian class, but between noon and 1:30, I had a chance to watch the parade. And, it seemed to me that I was one of the few to do so (there were people along the parade route, including families, and a disproportionate number of them wearing green jackets or sweatshirts, but they were hardly ever more than one deep, and in many places, they were stacked up zero deep, which is not very deep at all).

But the parade was sorta fun, and clearly nothing to be frightened away from.

When I say the parade was sorta fun, I really mean it was funny, and only sorta parade. Let me explain.

I think I saw at least 3/4 of it. But I only saw four bands. Three were high school bands (one from Jacksonville FL, and one from somewhere in NJ I remember - I wasn't taking notes) and a college band from VMI. They were all in uniform with baton twirlers and all that, but it sure wasn't like a Cherry Blossom or Inauguration Day parade with all states represented.

You would expect the Ancient Order of the Hibernians to march, and they did. And there was a VFW group of veterans of the Battle of the Bulge. There were maybe ten of them. They must be in their 80s. They were all very thin, so it looked like they had done a good job winning the Battle of the Bulge.

Then there were floats, if you could call them that. Mainly flatbed trucks with green ribbons, balloons and crepe paper. The Washington Irish did not show their artistic talents on this parade. Whose floats were they? Well, the Dubliner Pub had a float, although when I saw it, it had not yet begun to move, and it was unclear who would be on it, or what they would be doing. And it was right behind the Fado Irish Pub float, which was beginning to move and had a young Irish drinking song band, the Scythians, who were pretty good, and a strange looking guy, who was older and dressed like an out of place leprechan perched on a pedestal, who moved with the music and mouthed words (not the words to the songs, which I don't think he knew, just words). Made you want to go to Fado Irish Pub (I think it is near the Capitol, right?), but not on a night when the old leprechaun was there. That's it for pubs.

There was one more alcoholic float. It dealt with hard liquor only. If there was a beer float, it came early and I missed it. This alcoholic float was sponsored by Washington Wholesalers, Inc. (I guess they wholesale alcoholic beverages). It had signs for Jamison Irish Wisky, Bushmill's, and Bailey's Irish Cream. So who do you put on a hard liquor float? I recall seeing two adults, and about ten kids, all under the age of eight. True.

The only other float I remember was from the Washington Rowing Club. I couldn't quite figure out if they were Irish, or what they had to do with St. Patrick. My wife said that they were there because they drank. Probably so. (You would think from all of this that my wife was there by my side, but she wasn't. She just has great Irish intuition, I guess.)

I saw no horses in this parade. I did see dogs. There was the Washington Irish Wolfhound Society, and I counted 23 Irish Wolfhounds, who were a pleasure to watch. These dogs looked like they could all be friends of mine if I made the first approach. What surprised me is that they ignored each other. Not one of them seemed the least big excited to see another Irish Wolfhound. I think if I were an Irish Wolfhound, I would like to talk to others about the Ould Sod, or something like that. Watching them, it occurred to me that maybe they don't know that they are all Irish Wolfhounds. Or maybe they left Ireland in times of famine and shortage, and just didn't want to be reminded. By the way, do you think that there are Irish wolves?

But these were not the only dogs. There was a pickup truck with a sign that said Greenbelt Dog Obedience School and a toy poodle being held by the lady driving the truck. Why wasn't she arrested for reckless endangerment? It was followed by a motley (and I mean motley) assortment of 20+ dogs and their masters, marching in precision. Why they were in the parade was really beyond me. Nothing Irish about them that I could see. And, if I were the school, and these were the most handsome dogs I could show, I don't think I would want to join a parade. If I ever get a dog, I am joining the Irish Wolfhound Society, and keeping the hell out of Greenbelt.

Then there were the D.C. police on their motorcycles with sidecars, riding around in circles. It did not give one great comfort to see this, particularly as they seemed to be having fun. Ditto the Shriners, who are great for the kids with their hospitals (I mean really great), but who ride around in these little mini-dodgem cars, with their knees above their heads.

Then, there were the cars, mainly Thunderbird convertibles, and one old souped up Mercedes convertible. Not very exciting. Nice cars, but not very exciting. But then, something even odder. The Zip-cars in the parade, a Mini, a VW convertible, and a bigger car. Why were they there?

Three beauty queens in open cars. Miss Virginia of the USA, Miss Maryland Teenager, and Miss America of the Galaxy. They were each wearing identical tiaras and smiles.

Rogers Plumbing had its truck in the parade. There was green shamrock attached to each side. Looking at the truck, you could read their address and phone number, in case you ever needed a plumber. How did Rogers get in the parade?

And, to top off this wonderful St. Patrick's Day parade, there were two different marching groups of Falon Gong supporters. Perhaps in Chinese, the words Saint Patrick have another meaning. They looked very out of place, not only because they were not Irish, but because they were dressed in ORANGE. Luckily, the IRA was not participating this year in Washington, because I think that these Orangemen would never have made it to the end of the line.

The best things about the parade? The weather, followed by the wolfhounds, and the bulge battlers. Next the bands (marching and Irish). Last, the Chinese.

But, it was very low key, and therefore OK.

Next year, come on down and watch. Or better yet, if you put something green on your bicycle, they may make you grand marshall.