Did you read this week's "Washington Jewish Week"?

If you didn't, there is a lot that you missed. Such as:


1. Rosa Mareno of K's New York Deli in Washington D.C. won the "best matzah ball" award at the Iron Kosher Chef Competition. If only, anyone ever heard of K's New York Deli.

2. The wife of Israel's foreign minister gave a wedding present to Prince Charles - an amulet that had been blessed by an Israeli kabbalist - and reported that "Prince Charles was very charming about it, not at all the drip that Israelis assume he is". Diplomacy at its best.

3. A group of Jews and a group of Mormon church leaders agreed to convoke a committee to look into whether the Mormon church had failed to comply with its 1995 agreement not to baptize dead Jews. As you may know, for fear of postumous baptism, it has been reported that many Jews were living forever.

4. A Jewish representative at a ceremony commemorating the death of 134 people, most Jewish, in a bombing during WWII in London was pelted with eggs and vegetables. I assume that Scotland Yard is rounding up the usual vegetarian terrorist anti-Semitic suspects.

5. At Shalom kosher market, you can by Carmel soup mixes for $3.99 for 15 oz., Rubinsteins red salmon for $4.99 per 14 3/4 oz., onions for $1.09 per 3 lbs., Kedem concord white grape juice for $1.59 for 22 oz., and Sabra spanish eggplant for $2.19 for 7 oz. As a part of the new SATs, you will be expected to look at these numbers, and rank these items per oz. from the most expensive to the cheapest. In 30 seconds.

6. The Conservative movement has announced that it will not change its policy on gays. The article did not say that the policy is/was/will be. It did say that the movement will try "to come to thoughtful and compassionate decisions that can pass the test of time."

7. At Kugler's Home Fashions, for only $18.99, you can buy a singing matzah man. Wow, that's less than $19,00.

8. Balducci's has a full page ad for Passover food "so good, that you may not want to wait for Elijah....". For those of you who are seder afficianados, you may realize that Elijah comes after dinner. I guess maybe you shouldn't buy Passover food from an Italian? Or maybe in Italy the food is so good, that Elijah rushes his appearance?

9. In one of the more interesting stories to come out of the funeral of Pope John Paul II, it was reported that the president of Israel shook hands with the president of Iran. President Katzev of Israel said that it was a matter of politeness, and did not signify a policy shift. President Katami of Iran denies that it happens, and says that this is just one more example of a baseless Zionist lie. If Katami says it, it must be true, right? Those zionists!

10. The U.S. State Department has changed its recommendations to Americans from suggesting the deferral of travel to Israel to one of suggesting that the need for travel to Israel be "carefully weighed". The equivalent, I assume, of changing the terrorist level from red to crimson. By the way, how many Americans have been attacked on trips to Israel in the last year or two? I will give you a hint. You cannot count them on the fingers of one hand.

11. On page 53, for the first time anywhere, you can see, sitting right next to each other, advertisements for the Omelette Man and for Mr. Omelette. I have to go with Mr. Omelette. He has an expresso bar. No, maybe not. He only has a "Fresh Fruit Display". I think he ought to let you eat the fresh fruit. Really, that is so petty.

12. In the Men Seeking Women section of the want ads, a "latke" [for you Christians, Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists or Zoroastrians, that is a potato pancake] looking for "applesauce", preferably sweet and non-chunky. Do you really think there is anyone out there who is sweet and non-chunky, who is looking for a latke?

13. And to end on a good note, there is an article about the first Jewish-Arab tango orchestra which has been formed in Buenos Aires, and performed at the opening of a new synagogue. There are 250,000 Jews and 900,000 Arabs who live in Argentina.